Monday, November 3, 2008

Do I look fat in spandex?

Last weekend was Halloween, obviously, because otherwise I only expose this much skin while showering or riding my bike. And sometimes not even when showering.


And while dressing up to resemble people who you might better recognize from the movie Deliverance seemed fun at the time, when I saw how disturbing these photos were I started wondering how funny I might look posed in the same position in spandex...but still wearing the boots, of course.



Not too shabby...I think this is what Jan Ullrich might look like right about now. I'm sure he still wears his T-Mobile kit around the house for kicks. He also has a pair of T-Mobile PJs that he likes to wear when he's entertaining women or going out for some Euro Techno Disco.

But, I like to envision myself like this instead of the above photo.


Yes, I'm growing a mullet. I need something like Sampson's hair to power me to the ranks of Cat. 3 and be able to hang with the Josh's and the venerable and indestructible 155 pound ball of fury Larry Hall.

And so I've contrived a winter workout plan that include both the boots and the spandex. It's designed to increase strength and flexibility, while improving coordination, balance, endurance, and flexibility.

Here it is: I'll be doing all my off-season strength training wearing only a jock strap and my cowboy boots. And when I'm done with the weights, I'll wear the same attire while I do my spinning workouts...five days a week, for 70 minutes a night on the bike.

I know, I know, you're thinking that's too much clothing and I'll be sweating to death while working out. True. But consider the benefits next spring when my taint it so callused that I could ride on a seat made of sand paper for hours on end without so much as the slightest discomfort, and with the boots jettisoned for cleat and shoes, I'll be like a locomotive on the pedals.

Look what training in sweat pants and a sweat shirt as a youth did for Floyd Landis? I'm just taking the old school approach back a little bit more.

And don't ask for a photo....my jock is being laundered right now so the ensemble isn't complete.

But here's something to wet your appetite.



No pain no gain.

-- Two wheels for life

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

No sure how quick I will be to adopt "taint" training but when you fly by us on the climbs, I'll know why. As to your so called limited skin exposure, I call bullsh__t! Maybe the guy in the car at East Canyon Resort could chime in.

Blogging Cyclist said...

Although some will disagree in principle with the "taint training," it's akin to threshold training, or intervals, designed to provide strength and endurance to one of the most forgotten cycling muscles on the body.

It also allows me to stop training altogether and still respond with "taint training" when asked what I'm doing to stay trim in the winter.

Anonymous said...

To the hot WT chick. I am so proud of you right now. I can see that you are gaining mad skills at beauty school. I couldn't be more impressed. I'll be sending my girls up soon. Do you do tats on the side?

Unknown said...

Tats on the side? OF course! Send one send all, I need models. For real!