Dear Cell Phone Using Driver:

I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know how very proud I am of you and your ability to multi-task; to drive while talking on your phone, and putting on mascara, and reading the newspaper, and eating...all while keeping your lap dog from jumping out of the window of your vehicle.

It's a skill that cannot be learned. You are a gifted driver, indeed.

Thank you for talking on your phone from the moment you enter your car each morning to the time you lay your head to rest each night and go to sleep. It's your proven expertise as a phone user that has allowed me to be nearly killed several times. And without these brushes with death, I wouldn't appreciate the life I have been given.

Thank you for always rushing to wherever you're going and talking the whole way there.

Thank you for text messaging while you're in the middle of a left turn; I can't tell you how much I love the pure rush of adrenaline I get when I see you in action. It's quite simply, breathtaking.

And while some people don't understand the need to be on the phone every waking minute of the day, you have an uncanny proficiency for the concept. Without cell phones, what would we do in a car anyway?

Some people will mock or scorn you for this gift you've blessed society with. But not me. I'm all for the wonderful distraction if cell phones.

I realize there are other people on the road trying to drive safely, or ride their bikes, but you understand who really owns the road. You and your phone.

Please don't be deterred by the various laws being passed around the country requiring cell phone users to go 'hands-free'
— this doesn't apply to someone of your aptitude.

Besides, if you went hands free, what would you do with your hands?



The bottom line is I owe you big time. And you know who you are...the savvy, well-groomed oversized vehicle driving crowd who is driven for success and won't let anything, or anyone, stand in their way. You're taking the tiger by the tail and keeping in touch; you're networking and multi-tasking; you're in the know.

Don't ever change, cell phone using drivers. We need you. Without you the world would be a safer place. And what fun is that?