You look like several hundred dollars...

A few days ago I was browsing through a mail order cycling catalog when a particular piece of clothing caught my eye:

Campagnolo 11-Speed Bib Short:

And then I found it's partner...Campagnolo 11-Speed Full Zip Jersey:

I actually turned the page before the reality of what I had just seen registered: $339.99 for a pair of bibs? Holy crap! Sweet fancy Moses! Are you freakin' kidding me?

I started to wonder if it was a misprint...and then it all made sense. Of course, it's made by Campy.

Yes, the Campy...as in Campagnolo...the supreme Italian component maker. Only now they've taken their mechanical expertise into the apparel world. How genius of them to offer a very affordable kit to all of us cyclist. And it's an 11-speed jersey and bibs...not the crappy 10-speed stuff they're pawning off to has beens and recumbant riders.

But for upwards of 700 bones, this thing better come with a pair of Marco Pantani's legs in the bibs to get me up the next climb. For $639.99, the chamois in these bibs better not only protect my taint from saddle sores, it better massage it, buff it, wax it, clear coat it, and finish it off with a spot free rinse.

I can heard the proponents now..."But it's the best kit out there...the last one you'll ever buy."

And they're right...it would be the last one I'd ever buy because it'd have to be the last kit on the planet before I'd spend $700 on a skin suit with a diaper sewn in it.

I'd rather wear burlap shorts with a sand paper chamois than pay this much cash to a too-cool gear company that thinks it's all that and a bag of pork rinds.

For $700 you could get a pretty decent wheelset:

For $700 you could get a lot of tubes, several really nice tires, a box full of components, and many lightweight trinkets.

For $700 you could also get nearly 400 packages of Clif Shot Bloks; about 600 Powergels; 400 servings of Endurox recovery drink; and 700 Clif Bars.

But more importantly, $700 would easily cover my race fees for an entire season of events.

I understand that there's the notion that you get what you pay for, but there's a law of diminishing return that eventually kicks in when the outfit I'm wearing costs more than much of my bike.

And who's making these things? I'm pretty sure it's not Italian models in Tuscany crafting them by hand to fit every inch of my body. My guess is the small hands of children in an Asian nation sewed these over-priced clown suits for pennies on the dollar.

I could be wrong, but there's something amiss about Campagnolo thinking they can get away with this.

I'd rather be seen in this:



Or this:



For now I'm sticking with my Taint Training ensemble and I'll mock anyone wearing the aforementioned kit who isn't being paid to do so.

Two Wheels for Life...